One App to Rule Them All: The Perfect Modern App for Each LOTR Race (Part 2)

In my previous post, I took a quick, tongue-in-cheek look at what app would best serve the interests of the four major Middle-Earth races. And today, I am extending the discussion to some of the other races that play a significant role in the LOTR universe. So without further ado…

Orcs–Food.Com

Orcs lead a pretty tough life. They are ugly, mistreated by their superiors, and hated by all the other races. They are also unlikely to live very long as they are constantly engaging in battles against the other races of Middle-Earth. And often they have to travel frequently over long distances in order to get to these battles where they are likely to die anyways. So the least the orcs can ask for is some good food on the journey. But no, they often get “maggoty bread” and one fight in the movies breaks out between orcs simply because they are so desperate for meat that they are willing to eat their captives (despite explicit orders from Saruman not to do so). So Food.Com, with its hundreds of thousands of recipes and dietary preference features, would be the perfect app for these hungry traveling orcs. They could use it to help identify vegetables, fruits, and roots which they could then combine in fresh and tasty ways with whatever meager meat supplies they have in order to make delicious meals. Sure, they will likely be slain by an elven arrow the next day, but at least they will have enjoyed one good last meal instead of some boring bread.

Ents–Words with Friends

The native tongue of the Ents (Old Entish) is basically impossible to learn or replicate and their newer tongue (New Entish), while understandable, leaves much to be desired as it is grammatically confusing. Also, it can sometimes take the ents hours to say even a single sentence in New Entish. However, the ents created New Entish as they were interesting in learning a new language so it is clear that the Ents want to adapt and are capable of change. Thus, Words with Friends would be the perfect app for the Ents as it will not only help them learn more of English but also it will force them to form words faster. Both of these will help the Ents communicate more effectively and maybe this way, they can warn the other races not to harm the trees (i.e. the the homes and families of the Ents).

NazgûlFind my iPhone/One Ring to Rule them All

The most feared of Sauron’s servants, the Nazgûl could single-handedly cripple armies with their fearsome abilities. Prodigiously powerful and fanatically loyal, they were entrusted by Sauron with the most important task in the history of his reign–tracking down the One Ring and returning it to Sauron. And they failed miserably. Two measly hobbits made it all the way to Mordor and ended not only Sauron’s life but those of his Nazgûl underlings as well. Find my iPhone (One Ring edition) could have solved their Frodo problem immediately as with the app, they could have tracked the One Ring geographically and then easily retrieved the ring and preserved the rule of their master.

Dragons–Ring

A different kind of Ring, this app would allow dragons to protect what they care about most–their gold. Ring would allow dragons to see when any potential intruders get close to their hoard. For example, it would have alerted Smaug to Bilbo’s presence earlier and precluded Bilbo from identifying Smaug’s one weakness (which he did was Smaug was sleeping and unaware). Dragons constantly sleep with one eye open in order to keep an eye out for any potential thieves, but with Ring, dragons could ensure the same level of security for their treasure and get a good night’s sleep. Win Win!

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