You’re a wizard! Now what? Well, since seemingly 99% of professional employment in the wizarding world is with the Ministry of Magic, you had better hope you have an in there. But let’s say you don’t. How are you going to get enough Galleons to be able to buy those tasty treacle tarts? Well, I will tell you what I would do. I would fill the largest economic gap in the wizarding world–that of a Gringotts runner. Now before I explain exactly what this job entails, I need to provide a bit of background to help explain why this job is needed. One of the best parts of magic is that it saves you time. Don’t want to dishes? Magic can do it for you. Need to get from London to Paris in under five seconds? Time to apparate. Wizards and witches are able to use magic to save time in almost every activity. However, there is one notable exception. Gringotts. Whether wizards need a load of galleons for a new broom or just a couple of knuts for some groceries, they have to physically go to Gringotts every time and retrieve the money themselves. This process can take a very long time, especially if the wizard is from one of the oldest wizarding families who have vaults at the very bottom of the bank. It can also be dangerous as some families have to walk past an angry dragon every time they just want to get some butterbeer money! And since Gringotts is the only bank in the wizarding world, it is not like you can store your money elsewhere. Muggle technology doesn’t work in the Wizarding world, so Gringotts can’t virtually transfer the money to a wizard. No credit card readers either. All money and monetary transactions are physical, meaning that every single magical being has to go through the time-consuming bottleneck of Gringotts.
And so this is where I step in as a Gringotts runner. For a fee, I will personally retrieve any amount of money my customers want from their vault at Gringotts. I will go through the entire process with the goblins at Gringotts so that my valued magical customers do not have to. I will retrieve their money and then bring it to them immediately, thus saving them valuable hours. While I think this is a splendid idea, I can certainly see a few notable objections, so let’s go through them and I will present my counters to each potential issue.
- Q1: Wizards are incredibly possessive of their money, and so how do they know that once I take their money from the vault that I won’t simply abscond with it?
- A1: While this would not be a good business model for me in the long run as it could really only work once before every other wizard learned not to trust me, let’s put that aside and address the overall issue. I will make an Unbreakable Vow with each customer I do business with, thus ensuring that unless I deliver their money as promised, I will die. This seems like pretty good motivation on my end to make sure I faithfully complete my contracts.
- Q2: Well, once the money is delivered, how does the magical customer know that I won’t simply go back to the vault now that I know the way in and the door code?
- A2: While this question should be moot as only goblins can open the vaults and I am not a goblin, I will add an additional layer of security to my enterprise by agreeing to selective Obliviation at the hands of a neutral, skilled Obliviator (if requested by the customer). This Obliviation will remove my memory of visiting the vault, however this extra service will naturally come with an extra charge for the customer.
- Q3: Why would goblins, who are naturally untrustworthy, agree to this plan and allow me to carry out money on the behalf of other wizards?
- A3: Because they are getting a cut of course! I will carry signed (unforgeable) documents that certify that I am allowed to carry the money out on behalf of said customer. And then Gringotts and the goblins will get a portion of my fee for each transaction. Goblins adore money, and so this venture adds a completely new revenue stream for Gringotts, without any additional cost on their end.
In conclusion, I see absolutely no flaw in this plan, and since I am providing value to both Gringotts and my customers, I should be able to grow this profitable business quickly as word of my company spreads. However, while this venture is a win for everybody, I must be honest and admit that I am a tad bit scared about being a Gringotts runner for George Weasley. I feel like that guy is going to make me fetch some Galleons that turn my hands into lobsters. Ah well, hazard of the profession I suppose.